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81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This “Clean Jokes” Online Group


When requested if there’s at all times an offensive factor to telling jokes, Sophie Scott, the British neuroscientist and Wellcome Trust Senior Fellow at University College London, advised Bored Panda that that is certainly the case. Her analysis investigates the cognitive neuroscience of voices, speech and laughter, significantly speech notion, speech manufacturing, vocal feelings, and human communication.

“There are no jokes that are guaranteed to be funny for everyone. And there may be a reference in there that someone finds personally offensive, like the basis for this very old Onion,” the professor defined.

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group I simply failed a hearth security course after they requested what steps I’d soak up case of an explosion….
Apparently, “Really big ones” wasn’t an appropriate reply…

madazzahatter , southtyrolean Report

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group My Asian roommate says I’ve schizophrenia.

Jokes on him, I haven’t got a roommate.

kickypie , Sigmund Report

Moreover, Scott argues that “it’s possible that any joke could offend someone, and that the perceived offence is compounded by the invitation to laugh that a joke implies.”

“There is also evidence that people vary in the extent to which they think they are being personally ridiculed when they hear laughter, so it’s possible that they would be more likely to be upset by a joke,” she defined.

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group An aged gentleman had critical listening to issues for plenty of years. He went to the physician and the physician was in a position to have him fitted for a set of listening to aids that allowed the gentleman to listen to 100%.
The aged gentleman went again in a month to the physician and the physician mentioned, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

hayeshilton , Mark Paton Report

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to chop a tree. Upon arrival, he began to swing on the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!”

madazzahatter , Abby Savage Report

A dog sees a “Now hiring” poster outside of a computer store.
The poster reads:

“Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer.”

The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and decides to humour it, pulling up a chair and a computer with a word processor. “Alright, if you want to work here, you need to first write a letter,” and leaves the room.

30 minutes later, he comes back in, and the dog has typed out a completely error-free letter.

“Well, I’ll be. This is a smart dog. But can he program?” he asks himself.

20 minutes pass, and the dog has made a perfectly running website for the store.

He looks, shocked, at the dog, and finally speaks. “Look, I know you have the qualifications, but, well… you’re a dog.”

The dog nudges the words “We are an equal opportunity employer.” on the poster, and the manager sighs.

“There’s no way you’re bilingual.”

The dog looks him in the eyes, and says, “Meow.”

juicy-tomato Report

To find out more about the Clean Jokes community, we reached out to its moderator Ccm596 who shared a couple of insights about it. “I had been wanting to start a good subreddit (I think I had already made a couple at this point, very niche stuff, /r/Kennedy, /r/matchboxtwenty, one for my hometown of only 15k people) and nothing really came to me,” the moderator recounted the origins of the subreddit.

Ccm596 observed that “there was a sizable community in /r/jokes who had grown tired of the sub having so many ‘dirty’ jokes. I personally didn’t, and don’t, have an issue with dirty jokes, but I thought it’d be nice to have a community dedicated to cleaner humor,” they mentioned in an interview.

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group I used to be on the cellphone with my spouse and mentioned, “I’m almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on.” After a twenty second pause, I requested, “You still there sweetheart?”

“Yeah…” she replied. “But I don’t think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…”

madazzahatter Report

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group My good friend requested me if I wished to listen to a extremely good Batman impression, so I replied, “Go for it!” He shouted, “NO!! NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” Slightly puzzled, I mentioned, “That’s Superman.”

“Thanks man!” he laughed. “I’ve been practicing it a lot.”

madazzahatter , Dev Report

So the idea of Clean Jokes, according to the moderator, is a place for redditors to have somewhere to go for jokes where they know that anything they click on will be appropriate for them to tell their children, or their coworkers. “Jokes that are guaranteed to be ‘safe,’ I guess. Where people of any community can have a laugh,” they added. To put it simply, the moderator says, “a clean joke” is the kind of joke that doesn’t deal in any “mature” concepts or situations.

The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain again today?”

She replied, “Yes, it is and don’t call me Shirley!”

I guess I left my phone in Airplane mode again…

madazzahatter Report

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group I’m not bragging or anything, but I made six figures this year…

So they named me the year’s worst employee at the toy factory…

madazzahatter , Jason Leung Report

However, when it comes to Ccm596, “I have no qualms about dark, offensive humor. Many of my favorite jokes, to hear and tell, would not slide on the subreddit.” According to the moderator, “it is important for comedy to push the boundaries of what’s ‘acceptable’ (so long as it isn’t comedy that punches down), but at the same time, there’s also definitely a place for ‘safe’ comedy, and it doesn’t inherently have to be dark or offensive in order to push those boundaries.”

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group For the last eight years I’ve been voted the ” most secretive man ” in the office by my coworkers.

Can’t tell you how much this award means to me.

HugoZHackenbush2 , Jason Strul Report

The Fibonacci convention is supposed to be pretty special this year

They say it’s going to be as big as the last 2 put together.

chacham2 Report

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group My wife is turning 32 soon and I told her not to get her hopes up, “After all, the celebration is only going to last half a minute.” Confused, she asked, “What are you talking about?”

I said, “It’s your thirty-second birthday.”

madazzahatter , Adam Kring Report

When asked about how the Clean Jokes community is doing, Ccm596 said that they are honestly very happy with the state of the subreddit, “and I think our current trajectory is a good one,” the mod added.

“That said, I’ve always wanted to take a more active role in the moderation of the subreddit. At the moment, the MO is basically ‘let AutoMod do its thing, handle things as we need to, hands off otherwise’ and I think it works out fine, but a more active mod [team] certainly wouldn’t hurt,” Ccm596 told us.

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group If you think your microwave and your TV spying on you is bad…

Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years…

madazzahatter , Tnarik Innael Report

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group “Back in the day…” my grandpa began to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $3 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But…

“Now however”.. he continued, “wherever you go there are those darn cameras”

slcikdeaaal , CBS Fan Report

Moreover, “we had a bit of an incident in early days, which has me a little apprehensive about taking on new members to the team,” the mod recounted. “But like I said, I’m pretty hands-off myself too, so the answer isn’t even necessarily in expanding. We used to have events once in awhile, ‘joke of the month’ type things, but I couldn’t really think of anything fun to do with it, so I kind of dropped it after a while.”

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group A boy scout says to his scout chief, “Sir, is that this snake toxic?” The scout leader says, “No, that snake’s not toxic in any respect.” So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror…

The scout leader says, “But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, whereas venom is injected. Let’s get it proper subsequent time, boys!”

honolulu_oahu_mod , Meg Jerrard Report

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group I went to the store last week to buy 6 cans of Sprite.

It wasn’t until I got home that I realized I had picked 7 up.

Joker , Mike Mozart Report

I bought a universal remote today.

I was disappointed to find out that it does not, in fact, control the universe. Not even remotely.

kickypie Report

A bad workman always blames his fools…
Tools!!

I meant tools!!

Stupid keyboard…

madazzahatter Report

You would think that a Snail without a shell would move that bit faster ?

But it’s actually more sluggish.

HugoZHackenbush2 Report

When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, “Ha! That’s not going to help!” I said, “Sure, it does.”

“It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

honolulu_oahu_mod Report

My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink. No one listened, but he kept on warning and warning them! Nonetheless, they got sick of him…
…and kicked him out of the movie theater.

madazzahatter Report

“How much to buy a singing ensemble!?” I asked the clerk. Puzzled, he questioned, “You imply a choir?”

“Fine, how much to acquire a singing ensemble!?”

madazzahatter Report

Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.

I thought to myself, “The streets are strangely desserted!”

Bakedschwarzenbach Report

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors but he turned himself in…
…after taking some time to reflect.

Luckily, the judge was lenient as he saw a lot of himself in the man.

madazzahatter , Commander, U.S. Naval For Report

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group Our doorbell rang and my son known as to me, “Dad, there is a salesman right here with a mustache!” I yelled back…

“Tell him I’ve already received one!”

madazzahatter , Andrew Wise Report

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter

kickypie Report

Smaller babies are always delivered by stork…

…but the heavier ones need to be delivered by crane…

madazzahatter Report

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused…

It must have been the delivery…

madazzahatter , Jonathan Borba Report

It’s a shame nothing is built in the USA anymore. I just bought a T.V. and it said, “Built in Antenna” and to be perfectly honest…

I don’t even know where that is!

honolulu_oahu_mod Report

What do you call a pirate wearing a sombrero?

A sea señor.

_welby_ Report

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group What’s the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

aciakatura , Luc Bercoth Report

If Jesus and Poseidon ever fought, Jesus would walk all over him.

Adi_Shri Report

I advised my daughter, “Did you realize that people eat extra bananas than monkeys?” She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. “It’s true!”

“When was the final time you ate a monkey?!”

honolulu_oahu_mod Report

When I told my girlfriend I was named after Thomas Jefferson, she rolled her eyes and said, “Your identify is Brian.” I mentioned, “I know, but…”

“I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson!”

madazzahatter Report

I said to my wife, “I need to call the doctor today.” She asked, “Which doctor?”

I smiled back, “No, the regular kind.”

madazzahatter Report

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, “Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?” Rolling his eyes, he responded, “No, no I didn’t.” I continued…

“Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!”

madazzahatter , Jaroslav A. Polák Report

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group I was really embarrassed when my wife walked in on me playing with my son’s train set by myself, so in a moment of panic, I threw a bed sheet over it…

I think I managed to cover my tracks…

madazzahatter , Mike Bergmann Report

The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, “What’s happening now?”

“The big bad wolf!” a goat shouted. “Is meditating!”

“So? Isn’t that a good thing? questioned the bear.

“Noooo!” the goat bleated. “It’s become aware wolf!”

madazzahatter Report

I dig.

You dig. We dig. They dig. He dig. She dig. Now it’s not a very beautiful poem, but it’s quite deep.

kickypie Report

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length…

Must be some kind of milestone…

madazzahatter Report

I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, “Take Your Kid to Work Day.” As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.

As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, “Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!”

honolulu_oahu_mod Report

My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It’s OK though…

I know where to draw the line..

madazzahatter Report

A Woman stopped me on the pavement, said She recognized me from the vegetarian club..

But I’m certain I hadn’t met herbivore.

HugoZHackenbush2 Report

I asked my girlfriend if I could make her mine. “Yes! Oh, yes!” she shouted, eyes filled with tears. “Great!” I said.

“Now take this pick and go find me some gold!”

honolulu_oahu_mod Report

A genie asked, “What’s your first wish?” Steve answered, “I wish I was rich!” And the genie said…

“What’s your second wish, Rich?”

madazzahatter Report

What does Alexander the Great have in common with Winnie the Pooh?

Same middle name.

Agodthatbleeds Report

There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting…
He said, “Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it’s completely gone now. My hair can’t be saved. But look outside at the forest. It’s such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they’ll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair.”

“What I want you to do…” the man continued. “Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family’s duty to keep this forest strong.”

So they did.

Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.

madazzahatter Report

I looked up from my computer and asked my son, “Have you heard of the blind cyclops brothers?” Puzzled, he replied, “Uh, no.” I responded…

“Neither have eye.”

madazzahatter Report

Why are people from Ohio good at finding a spouse?

Because they can go from Dayton to Marion in less than two hours.

Crazycrafter97531 Report

A pregnant woman hobbles painfully into the hospital with one hand on her back. A nurse rushes over to her and asks her what’s wrong, but the woman just shouts, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Didn’t!” The nurse shakes her head and says, “Sorry, I don’t understand!” The lady screams, “Can’t! Won’t! Don’t!”

The nurse is basically confused and turns to a physician who says, “Admit her immediately!! She’s having contractions!!”

madazzahatter Report

Why did Shakespeare at all times write utilizing a pen?
Pencils confused him…2B or not 2B?

CheneMoyen Report

I yelled at my girlfriend, “If you continue stealing my cooking utensils, I’ll move out!” She simply laughed and mentioned…

“That’s a whisk I’m willing to take!”

madazzahatter Report

I appeared longingly into my beloved’s eyes and whispered “A…E…I…O…U…and sometimes, Y.”

The priest then turned to her. “And has the bride prepared any wedding vowels?”

KairuSmairukon Report

As a wizard, I take pleasure in turning objects into glass…

I simply wished to make that clear…

madazzahatter Report

In a latest ballot, 80% of individuals in America mentioned they’d not open their houses to a sentient water basin that walked as much as their door and requested for shelter…

Let that sink in…

madazzahatter Report

A Man rushed right into a Doctor’s surgical procedure, shouting ‘ assist me Doctor, I’m shrinking’ The Doctor calmly mentioned ‘ Now cool down a bit ‘..

.. you may simply must be taught to be a bit affected person.

HugoZHackenbush Report

81 Very Appropriate Jokes, As Shared On This "Clean Jokes" Online Group I gave my daughter a look ahead to her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she confirmed it to the following door neighbor, he requested, “That’s a pretty watch you’ve got there! Does it tell you the time?”

She laughed and mentioned, “No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!”

madazzahatter , Joe Haupt Report

If there’s a bee in my hand, what’s in my eye?

Beauty, as a result of magnificence is within the eye of the bee-holder.

madazzahatter Report

All of the fortune tellers I’ve met are both actually miserable or overly enhusiastic.

Why cannot I discover a joyful medium?

kickypie Report

My Wife is leaving me as a result of I’m starting to go bald.

I do not thoughts…but it surely’s Hair loss.

HugoZHackenbush2 Report

You know that principle about no two individuals see colours precisely the identical approach..?

.. absolutely it is a pigment of their creativeness.

HugoZHackenbush2 Report

What do you name a beehive with out an exit?

Unbelievable

kickypie Report

My footwear aren’t very supportive and make me uncomfortable…

… you may say they’re my arch enemies.

InexactDuplicate Report

My son and I went tenting yesterday when he requested me how one can begin a campfire. I defined, “You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same because then…

“You’ll have a match!”

madazzahatter Report

My son requested me, “Is this pool secure for diving?” I chuckled and replied…

“It deep ends…”

madazzahatter Report


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