My ex-girlfriend as soon as caught me taking part in her cat like a banjo. I had the cat’s entrance paws in my hand, and I strummed his tummy. The cat was purring so loud that it made her are available in to see what was occurring.
A UPS supply man as soon as caught my grandma biting her toenails. She was within the sunroom with the display door open, and the man walked as much as the door and witnessed that.
I as soon as had a coworker who labored at a buyer website and had a crush on one of many girls who labored there, too. One day, the lady got here again from lunch and noticed him choose up the cushion from her chair and sniff it. He was requested to depart.
When I used to be 14, I wished to attempt to drink like a canine. I put a bowl on the ground and stuffed it with Fanta. My dad walked into my room the place I used to be kneeling on the ground with my tongue within the bowl. He has by no means talked about it since.
My buddy and I went to the flicks and thought the place was empty, so we began working round and flailing our arms. Turns out, there was a person sitting within the far again nook the entire time simply watching us.
I picked up a pizza and was tremendous excited to eat it. I put it within the passenger seat of my automotive and mentioned one thing alongside the strains of, ‘I’m gonna take you house and [mess] you up!’ I then realized that my window was open, and so was the window of the automotive subsequent to me. The driver had watched and heard me discuss soiled to a pizza.
I as soon as jokingly made an Instagram story of me pretending to shoot oranges out of my bum. My lady walked in on me within the bed room with my drawers on throwing oranges so it regarded like a POV of them coming out my butt.
I can’t bear in mind why, however I used to be within the bathe and began loudly reciting the trailer for Gremlins 2. I stepped out of the lavatory and my mother was there pissing herself with laughter.
I used to be in standstill site visitors (ie automotive had been turned off, folks the place loitering exterior of their automobiles) and I had a child squirrel that I used to be hand rearing in my automotive. I fed it some pet milk method from a bottle, regarded up and realised I had an viewers of about twenty folks gawking at me
Arguing with myself (properly, not myself – the precise individual simply wasn’t there, so I used to be standing in) within the mirror. With animated facial expressions and gestures. Lips shifting, however with no sound. I now reserve these hypothetical arguments for the bathe. When I’m house alone.
In third grade, I went to the lavatory and, pondering I used to be alone, put my palms towards the wall, leaned ahead, and set free a protracted gigantic fart. I rotated and noticed that another youngsters had are available in as I had launched that huge fart.
I used to be as soon as a server, and we have now ranch dressing in luggage, which have been so satisfying to squish. I began doing it the way in which cats do it with their paws towards one thing. I regarded to my left and noticed my supervisor observing me.
I used to be 14 getting it on with my hand and encompass sound headphones…my dad walks in on me half asleep and mumbles, “what are you doin boy?” And shuts the door, however then COMES BACK IN TO VERIFY WHAT HE’S WITNESSED and has the audacity to say “you playin’ with yer meat?”
I used to be taking part in VR Chat with a skeleton pores and skin on and I stored doing silly dances which will or might not have concerned a jerkoff movement. I heard my spouse’s voice from exterior the headset go “what the [hell]?!?”
I used to be known as in to help my spouse with placing collectively a buddy’s child bathe when her helper bailed on the final minute. My job was to prep the “dirty diaper game” which, for those who’ve not heard of it, is performed like this: an assortment of title model sweet bars and goodies are unwrapped after which mushed right into a diaper in order to resemble a child’s soiled diaper. The recreation contributors then assess the contents of every “dirty” diaper and have a guess at what sweet bar is perhaps lurking inside. Whoever has essentially the most appropriate solutions wins.
Because I used to be known as in on the final minute, I needed to full the duty whereas at work…
So there I used to be, in my workplace, fifteen or so diapers laying open on my desk, sleeves rolled up, hurriedly rolling what gave the impression to be a gooey, nutty turd in my palms…when my boss walks in.
We make eye contact.
He glances at my work, appears to be like at me as if I’m dangerously unstable, then slowly steps again out of the workplace with out saying a phrase.
We’ve by no means spoken of it.
I used to be like 13 or 14 in my room alone, my window broad opened, after I began to marvel if I ever acquired kissed what the opposite individual could be seeing from their perspective, so I went as much as my closet, which had these flooring size mirrors and I began kissing the mirror, opening my eyes each infrequently to see if I checked out all enticing doing this, a kind of instances I opened my eyes I noticed my brother exterior my broad open window by way of the mirror me with such a confused look on his face, I screamed and fell to the ground and hid in my room for some time.
I used to be a child and creeped out by cousin’s creepy doll, one morning me and the doll have been alone in her room and I grabbed the doll and began to shake it and whereas I used to be yelling at it that I knew it might discuss, my cousin walked in and was like what are you doing?? And I introduced the doll near me and caressed it and mentioned I used to be simply kidding. She stored the doll away from me after that
When I purchased my first pair of night time imaginative and prescient goggles, I had them delivered to the TV station I labored at (not trusting my neighbors to depart my [stuff] alone).
So, I took a break and tried them out in the one really darkish room I might discover. The mens room.
A coworker got here in, flicked on the lights, and was startled to search out me in the course of the room, blinded by the sudden flash of regular mild, brushing my tooth within the pitch darkish with night time imaginative and prescient goggles.
I needed to go discuss to HR about it. He was freaked out.
Was on the driveway at Wendy’s and had precise change as I used to be switching the cash one hand to a different the quarter slipped in between my legs and I went to seize it but it surely slipped down additional and the man involves the window as I’ve one hand full with money and the opposite hand in between my legs making an attempt to seize the quarter. He regarded and me and mentioned “I’m not even going to ask” and I simply mentioned “the quarter fell between my legs I have exact change” I acquired it and handed it to him pulled as much as the following window to get my meals and it set it what he thought he noticed me doing. So embarrassing.
One time my girlfriend and I had simply left the home. She then remembered she wanted one thing and went again in. Now, our home (Golders Green, London), was semi-detached with the neighbours home.
The neighbours motorcycle was sort of in our shared entrance yard. Since I used to be ready for my girlfriend, I made a decision to take a seat on the motorcycle.
I heard the entrance door of the home shut behind me, so, making an attempt to be humorous for my girlfriend, I leaned over the tank of the motorcycle and began pretending to rev the throttle and making Vrrooom, Vroom motorcycle noises. Like, actually stepping into it. I did not hear any laughing, so I rotated and it was really my neighbour standing there with this wtf look on his face.
Me, newlywed to my then-husband. Had to depart our house and transfer in along with his considerably disabled mom. Two weeks in, he and I are having attractive instances in our bed room. Specifically, hes going downtown and consuming on the Y. MIL knocks and instantly opens the door, saying “dinners on the table!”. Awkward pause. Everyone freezes. His face is buried in my crotch. She stands shock nonetheless, then huffs, and says “Well, I see you’ve already eaten,” slams the door and goes away.
We giggle, recoup, and go to eat. Most awkward meal of my life.
Walking throughout the street to the dumpster with a bag of trash. One arm pulled into my hoodie. Flapping it like a wing, and slowly shifting ahead whereas stepping into circles. Saying to myself “Flying in circles, flying in circles.” Realizing that I used to be not circling in the fitting path for the ‘wing’ I had and reversing to circle oppositewise. Saying “Flying in circles the wrong way.”
Come again inside and discover that my complete household had been watching me.
When I used to be round 10 years outdated I used to be getting interested by intercourse so I made a decision to look it up within the dictionary. Wouldn’t you recognize it my extremely conservative mom walks within the room so I attempt to play it off like I used to be trying up the Heida Native American tribe. She known as me out for being within the S’s however I doubled down and pretended i used to be presumably dyslexic. What a tangled net I wove.
It was 3am and 15 yr outdated me was taking a [poop] and acquired a blood nostril. Now for context, I get actual dangerous nostril bleeds and normally simply preserve my head up and it goes away. Well I used to be bored. So I assumed, “what if I just keep my head down and let it drip?” I do know… very silly. Blood was everywhere in the flooring. I had each intent to simply clear it up with tissues and flush it, no proof of my little experiment. What I didnt know was that my mum was really awake and was ready for me to complete in the bathroom for her flip. I didnt lock the door as a result of it was 3am and I didnt assume I wanted to. Well… she opens the door… “SemenDemon16 why are you taking so l-“ She sees the blood, starts freaking tf out. Thinks I’m either dead or dying. I start yelling trying to explain myself. Mum starts crying thinking shes gonna lose her son. My sister walks out her room from the crying and the yelling. Sees the blood. Freaks tf out as well. After a bit of panic I eventually explained my stupid experiment. I cleaned it up and we all went to bed. But I dont think anybody slept after that traumatic experience.
Sitting on the floor of my kitchen with the lights turned off while making Mac and cheese.
It doesn’t help that the roommate who caught me is the one who would always find me sitting on the floor eating animal crackers or cereal out of the box.
Oh man. So I must have been about 12. I was in the car with my mom – to set the scene it was a three row soccer mom van and I was in the second row behind the passenger seat with my mom driving. Well since I was 12 I got my random hormone boner, strange and awkward enough right? Well I decide that I would pretend I was driving and that my boner was the stick shift… mom caught me.
As a pet sitter, sometimes you get lonely when the majority of your interactions are with animals. Sooo, to combat this I sometimes pretend to be the inner voice of whatever dog I’m walking, responding out loud to whatever they’re sniffing or whatever grabs their attention. Each dog has his/her own weird voice as well. More than once people have walked around a corner to hear me doing this.
One time my (then) girlfriend’s mom caught me pissing in her kitchen sink when I was bombed out on Ambien. I had no recollection of it the next morning.
Having an argument with my houseplants about their watering schedules. They had their own voices too.
When I was going through puberty I started getting a lot of hair on my ass, which I hated. So I started shaving my ass. Once my older brother decided to try and throw a cup of cold water on me in the shower. He rips open thr curtain to me slightly bent over with shaving cream on my ass and a razor in my hand. He stops for a second, throws the cup anyway then proceeds to laugh uncontrollably and tell everyone in the house what he caught me doing.
In basic training, we got back to our bunks late, were all exhausted and my body felt broken. Instead of taking a shower I decided to clean my self with babywipes. Usually nobody is paying attention to you because they all have their own things to do, but someone watched me wipe my groin area, under my pants and then proceed to stuff it in a drawer in my bed because I was to tired to get up and throw it away. The person watching me said “WTF are you saving that for later or something?”
I stopped at a store to buy a baby-shower gift and coffee supplies. Without thinking, I bought just three items: (1) a bag of sugar, (2) a bag of coffee beans, and (3) a breast pump.
I was the pet of the day
I mean by my Best friend made me naked and put a dog collar and went a walk with me in his house and i was the pet of a day.
And his parents caught us and said “WTF” I couldn’t speak until i got home.
Sort of absent-mindedly blowing on a kettle to cool it down before pouring the water over the coffee. My wife thought that was pretty funny…
Caught in the garden singing “Where’d You Go” by Fort Minor looking sorrowful by my sister after a bird didn’t return to her eggs in the nest she’d made in our shed.
Driving my car through traffic. Have little trial sized hand lotion in my center console and my hands are dry-ish so I dispense the recommended amount and start rubbing it in. Traffic moves and I have to steer, accidentally get some lotion on my steering wheel. Which is leather. Now the part I touched is shiny and the rest isn’t. Don’t like the way that looks so I dispense more lotion and start working it into the leather. Now, this makes the rest of the leather bits look dull and pretty soon I am all in with this, lotioning whatever I can reach. Casually glance to my left left and there is a car full of people staring directly at me, eyes wide, as i thoroughly massage the interior of my vehicle like some sort of Buffalo Bill esqe auto enthusiast.
I wash my booty hole every day and I dry it with the pair of underwear from the previous day after I get out of the shower. That way none of my towels are [butt]-towels where someone’s face might go someday. Call me weird. One time my ex walked in on me in the middle of standing Captain Morgan’d on the side of the tub, wiping my [butt] with my underwear and immediately accused me of “cleaning” my [butt] with my underwear. Took a month to convince her that wasn’t the case and get her to stop making fun of me for it.
I once was walking to a store while smoking a cigarette. It was only about half gone, but not wanting to litter I scraped it across the ground and tossed it in a half empty trash can. As it goes in I catch a glimpse of it still smoking and go to check it so I’m not responsible for a potential fire.
People walked by right after I waited for a moment and smelled directly in the trash can for any signs of burning. Yes, I did quit smoking after.
I was running down the hall at school when my trousers fell down revealing that I was also wearing Jeans underneath. The other kids in the hall almost started to laugh until they saw the Jeans and thier faces turned to pure confusion.
In Skyrim, I went and collected thousands of cabbages and filled my house completely, and was running around laughing.
Hard to explain to someone who walks in, and sees you looking at a screen full of cabbages laughing your ass off.
I was doing inventory in my freezer and the freezer in inside the store’s cooler. Obviously, it was freezing, and my boobs got the worst of it that day. I walked out of the freezer cupping my boobs with my hands and doing some lamaze type breathing, and saying, “cold titties, ooh, ohh, ha.” Did not realize the Pepsi vendor was there. Made awkward eye contact and I scurried out and did not return until he was gone. Thankfully, he never brought it up.
I was licking the bottle of empty gatorade saying “damn I wish I left some for today”
My friends and I did some questionably gay pranks back in the day as pubescent boys. Moon infront of the tv screen, stuff like that.
One day I snuck into my friends room (he had glass doors to the front yard) and got ready. I got naked and put on a sombrero, and equipped my pecker in the wide end of a vuvuzela. Laid in his bed in wait…
Few minutes later his mom walks in during a family function. I was mortified, she either didn’t notice or just ignored it and walked out. Was I caught? Too afraid to ask.
In college, in lab, was coding to get double linked list to work.. when my program worked, I hugged the monitor and kissed it .. it’s crt monitor, so yeah am old 🙂 Right at that moment janitor guy walks in and sees it all and has this puzzled look
I once dropped a full litter of milk on the kitchen island and it made me give up and just lay down below the milk waterfall that was created and just drink it. This happen at 3 am and mother witnessed it as she was also awake and thirsty.
Contrary to most porno seens, getting caught masterbating by your sister- in-law is not ideal.
Rewiring a microwave to go past its automatic shutoff temperatures to make neat rocks and glass out of rocks I found in the backyard.
It wasn’t my family’s microwave, and my friend wasn’t home at the time. His father just stared at me, as I and his kitchen were covered in clay and pumice dust. And in his microwave. His only microwave.
My friend was due back from the hardware store in five minutes. Those were some very uncomfortable minutes.
Trying to pry ribs off a roadkill deer carcass.
For context, I’m a bone collector. Most of my collection comes from oddity shops, but sometimes you just find a really good opportunity on the side of a highway. I never did get those ribs, though. I was so embarrassed I immediately drove off.
Slapping my belly and listening to sound it made. At least they found it funny
My dad walked in on my and my brother vacuuming our d**ks into the tube attachment. He just shook his head and walked out of the room
I have a really weird habit of needing to jump up and down while blasting music in my ears. It’s the only way I enjoy listening to music. I have no idea why. Obviously, I only do this in private, but because I am blasting music, I’ve been walked in on a couple of times, sometimes wearing only underwear whilst I jump up and down like an idiot.
When i was like 13 i had my two friends (female) showing me (male) on my stomach what a “happy trail” was. Their dad walked into the room with me having me shirt pulled up and the two girls touching my trail. Was really awkward cause up to that point I’m pretty sure he thought I was gay.
Holding up the pee inside my foreskin to “charge up” the stream, and then release just at breaking point. I was 10, didn’t lock the door. My brother happened to walk by. Been doing it ever since, gets you going more powerfully
When we were in our twenties, a good song came on the radio and I was trying to make my brother dance to it. I put my hands on his shoulders and was moving him back and forth. My parents saw this and had a strange look on their faces. I asked what was wrong and they said ‘we thought you were choking him’. Guess I should learn better dance moves.
I was at an old tourist junk store that was 3 stories named the Gay Dolphin- I’m like 17 and I let out the biggest fart and asked my sister- “did you hear that lol”
Like 30 minutes later we’re on the third flooring basement sharks tooth and this outdated man walks by and goes, “I heard that” and simply retains strolling.
When I used to be like 14, we acquired Jehovah’s Witnesses at our entrance door and my mom walked downstairs simply in time to listen to me say, “this is a strictly Satanist household and we shoot missionaries on sight.”
My mother and father are Jewish.
I used to be leaving a voicemail for a consumer to name me again and my voice went from regular to Scottish to southern all in a span of 30-40 seconds. (was not intential I used to be simply drained.)
I assumed I used to be alone on the time as I used to be within the again room. When unexpectedly I hear man wrenching laughter from the assist division.
Not as dangerous as others however fairly unusual
Rummaging by way of my (then-boyfriend) ex’s laundry basket in search of his ID card and getting caught by his roommate. Iirc, I used to be caught holding his pants with a “I-can-explain” expression.
I had a spare hour between courses and he did not have his ID card, which means he’d should stroll house after work as a substitute of driving the bus. So I rode the bus to his home, acquired his ID, then acquired again in time for sophistication.
It’s humorous that I can snicker about this and really feel nothing for him now. I’m therapeutic and I’m pleased.
In highschool english class, we went to the pc lab to do a poetry undertaking. Can’t bear in mind the specifics however I bear in mind we needed to discover a bunch of various poems that we preferred. I had a flashback to my sister studying me a poem a few man who unintentionally has intercourse with a chimpanzee, so I fired up a Google seek for “Poems about making love to chimpanzees”. My english instructor’s instructor senses should have been tingling, as a result of he appeared proper behind me, and really loudly requested why I used to be in search of poems about making like to chimpanzees.
I hopped out the bathe sooner or later and was inexplicably overcome with the need to see if I might stability the other way up on my head. I take advantage of to do it on a regular basis rising up. Guess I wished to know if I nonetheless had it.
The factor is, this want needed to be sated instantly. Even earlier than I threw on some garments. So I drop my towel, flip on prime of my head and begin balancing like the great outdated days. Even held my arms out by my aspect to strive it palms free.
Out of no the place my mom and ex gf burst into my room (with out knocking with their impolite asses) and get a face stuffed with me the other way up, bare in what can solely be described as a reverse T stance. They screamed, I laughed and I believe I clipped by way of the bottom a bit attributable to s**t collision
Giving the center finger to an inanimate object
I used to be making an attempt to get my neck to crack as a result of it was tight. I used to be turning it fast to the aspect and saying “crack, crack damnit” as I used to be doing it for most likely ten seconds or so.
To a bystander I used to be simply making awkward head actions and professing my love for crack.
I used to be working nights at this liquor retailer. I step exterior and hit my pipe and get excessive AF… then I’m going again in and I get to stocking cabinets.
Well, excessive ass me, for a motive I nonetheless don’t perceive, acquired Jewel’s “You were meant for me” caught in my head. I don’t know why… this was in like 2004 lengthy after Jewel’s profession had peeked and pale…
Anyway, I’m all stoned and singing Jewel… loudly… whereas stocking the cooler after I resolve to have enjoyable with it and sing it virtually as if it was a Youtube apology video.
So now I’m cry-singing Jewel’s “You were meant for me” on the prime of my lungs, when a buyer pops their head across the nook and says, “Um… are you open… and are… are you OK?”
Apparently our door beeper had gone on the fritz…
I attempted to elucidate I used to be simply stoned and effing round… however they have been having none of it and continued to have a look at me as if I’d misplaced my rattling thoughts, not only for the rest of that transaction, however since they have been an everyday for years after.
I had a coworker who regarded quite a bit like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. I discussed it to him as soon as, and he mentioned he will get that quite a bit.
I acquired to speaking to him about Beef Jerky, and the way I had not too long ago tried it for the primary time. I defined that I wished to strive it as a result of it’s most likely the closest human equal to canine treats.
“Of course I never will, but I’ve always been curious about eating dog treats…”
…and simply as I end that sentence, the final supervisor walks by and catches the top of what I had simply mentioned. I preceded to snicker and stroll away as a result of I really like when folks walk-in on conversations on the most complicated potential second.
Early morning, was talking gibberish nonsense. My dad witnessed all of it.
I constructed a joint earlier than work the opposite day and forgot to scrub my palms afterwards, so when i used to be on the bus i sniffed my fingers to examine in the event that they stunk of weed and midway theough giving them sniff i seen a few folks me.
Late to the occasion however right here goes.
When I used to be ten or eleven I snuck a sure journal I used to be pretty fascinated with into the lavatory. I spent manner too lengthy in there with it. On my manner out I heard loads of noise exterior the lavatory. So I made a decision to cover the magazine beneath my shirt in entrance of my chest. Exiting the lavatory I needed to cross by the lounge by which my father and all his siblings have been siting in. Three aunt’s and an uncle. He shouted for me as I handed by, “Hey get back here! What’s under your shirt?”
I walked again slowly, head held low. He reached into my shirt in entrance of everybody and grabbed the journal. The look of confusion on his and everybody else’s faces when he produced the Nintendo Power was priceless.
consuming cake icing in my closet at 1 am, not from a cake or something, straight from the container. with a spoon.
Found a stray cat hanging out in my house advanced. Decided it might be a terrific thought to take a seat on the bottom subsequent to him and meow to him. He meowed again every time, so he and I simply sat on the sidewalk collectively having a “conversation” for fairly a while. Eventually I even picked him up and carried him round with me on my strategy to the advanced laundry room. Passed by a number of individuals who both gave me a “this dude is definitely high” look or simply kinda giggle at me. Nothing embarassing about this example actually, I simply know me in my PJ’s speaking to a really soiled, dusty stray cat might have regarded… bizarre.
I believe he and I had a terrific dialog, although.
After I graduated highschool my mother and father took me to a elaborate Brazilian barbecue place. You had these little picket dowels that have been inexperienced on one aspect and crimson on the opposite. Now they might come bearing very properly cooked meat. Obviously I ate manner an excessive amount of.
So a lot actually I awakened sweating at virtually three within the morning. Now having an excessive amount of meat in your abdomen is like having a heavy stable weight caught in your abdomen. Now my sleep addled mind determined the most effective thought to do away with this heavy meat ball in my abdomen was to maneuver. And that’s the story of how my mom discovered me dancing very severely at 3 within the morning.
I neglect which one it was, I consider it was Foster Dad John, he’d foster litters of kittens and had a dwell stream going. So clearly being kittens, 18+ hours a day it was only a regular video of them sleeping, but it surely was entertaining as hell after they really have been energetic.
I’d be in my basement typical school room programming, and have this dwell stream of kitties on my different monitor and my roommates would are available in to ask me about dinner or heading to later courses or one thing like that, I’m there with code pulled up on one aspect, textual content books throughout, after which a random dwell feed of some dude’s lounge on the opposite aspect. A decade later each time I discuss to them they do not let me dwell it down. It was soothing, doing math and programming homework I wanted some random kitties to maintain me firm however could not undertake one in every of my very own so I’d deliver that up.
When I used to be about 8 or so, me (M) and my neighbor (M) determined to do some pole dancing on the cease signal on the finish of our road, full with hollering on the automobiles driving by. Some laughed. Just a few honked….one [jerk] stopped and chased us away yelling at us. Then, when he noticed which homes we bumped into he got here and talked to our mother and father about what he had seen….
During summer time camp, I used to be caught within the women toilet.
There have been solely 2 bogs in every facility, and two camp counselors endlessly monopolized the boys’s (I waited a minimum of 20 minutes, and so they have been nonetheless in there).
Since I used to be determined to go, I used the lady’s as a result of there was nobody round – that’s, till I got here out, and acquired caught.